Lessons from “Nice Guys of OKCupid”

OK, settle down, class. We’ve all seen the “Nice Guys of OKCupid” Tumblr at this point. Right? OK, just in case, here ya go. Basically, this Tumblr exists to point out certain types of hypocrisy and misogyny in certain publicly viewable online dating profiles. I don’t want to get into a whole mess of discussion about this phenomenon or these guys or sexism in profiles in general, because frankly, those people rarely become my clients. So let’s just take a minute to just sum up the basic lesson we can take away from this little phenomenon.


That’s it. Seriously. So simple. When you whine and complain about ANYTHING in your online dating profile, misogynistic or not,  you come off as a negative person who is likely not going to appeal to most singletons trying to find a romantic connection. Focusing on the positive really is a better tactic  (or if you must be a tiny bit negative, playful self-deprecation is your friend). Generally speaking, women tend to complain more than men in their profiles in a “you must have X and you must not be like Y” fashion, and men tend to do the self pity slash lashing out weirdly at the very women they wish to date thing. Both types of complaining are bad, folks. And moreover, just plain inefficient!

So repeat with me, class. Do we whine and bitch and moan in our online dating profiles? Everybody together: NO! Do we make jaded jabs at women or men that we haven’t even met yet, or make assumptions about their negative qualities when we know absolutely nothing about them? NO! What we do is, we write honestly and charmingly and humorously about ourselves while trying to remain flattering and forthright, and we put a little personality into it, and we trust that things will come together for us eventually if we attempt to reveal an actual glimpse into the best version of ourselves while remaining humble and optimistic. And maybe we book the help of an expert such as Virginia if we find the whole process overwhelming. 😉

In summary: Be nice! Love yourself! Love others! And never write the phrases “nice guy” or “friend zone” in any publicly viewable medium, ever! (I get a pass because I’m just one more person being whiny and complainy here, but I’m trying to help you. I swear I am.)



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